yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
That's intense
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
