SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize