My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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