to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
