He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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