Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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