Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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