But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
