did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just found a bag of teeth...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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