So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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