dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
