I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
