We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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