If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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