My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
