I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
