Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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