I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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