May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize