I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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