he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize