omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
