My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I smell like Dick and happiness
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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