You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
