You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
