She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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