OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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