12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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