Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
