I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Someone came in the potted fern
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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