just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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