i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
