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Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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