i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i believe in u and ur pee
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
