I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize