I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize