There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
