Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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