Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize