Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
