he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
