goodnight i made you a song goodbye
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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