I wish I only lived at night.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
