Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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