help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
