When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize