Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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