we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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