id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
