Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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