From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
