smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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