I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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