His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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