I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
