Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
