Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Welp...herpes.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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