And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
