Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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