If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
