Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
