can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
