The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
