Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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