Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My ass is underappreciated
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize