you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
