I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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