I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
