so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
