I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
