i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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