She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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