I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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