I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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