please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
