we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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