Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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