wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
