Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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