Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
