when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
