I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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