You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
