We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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