so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
