I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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