Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
