I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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