So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
