dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
