I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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