I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
