You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
