why didn't you poke me back
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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